My,
my! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include
it and made us use a precious link on our home page to get you
here. At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then
we
read the page. What a Net-awakening! It's really important
stuff.
We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable
English. So be a smart net head and read the stuff on this page.
It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet,
from really nasty people, like prosecutors.
Here's
the deal:
We
run all NetVentures Unlimited, Inc. sites so that people like you
(and people you like) can use it for personal entertainment, information,
education,
communication, and cyber-gratification. So go ahead and browse
around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site
but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you do, though, don't
fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff.
They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about
distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or
anything else “uncool”with any of the stuff, including
the text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes
unless we give you written permission. And it's not likely we will.
If
you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck
with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or
regulation that applies to our site, the Internet, the World Wide
Web, or Snow Ball, Arkansas. You shouldn't access or browse the
site if you have any problem with that, because once you start,
there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read: stuck with]
the terms and conditions.
So
here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cyber surfers who hang
out on our site:
1.
For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is
copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff
except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the
site without our written permission. And like we said before, it's
not likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we
wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it's
better you don't even ask. Well, I guess you could ask for permission
to reprint an article in your Ezine or newsletter.
2.
While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising
you it's accurate. In fact, we're not promising you anything except
fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're
using it at your own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because
we assume no liability or responsibility for errors or omissions
on the site.
3.
We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the
site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it.
In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer
includes "direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or
punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the
site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is
provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED
OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES
OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please
note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied
warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you.
Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding
the exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful
from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't
figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept.
But here's the bottom line -- we're not responsible if you're browsing
around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it
with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if
it does, don't call us.
4.
If you don't want the world to know something, don't post in on
the site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That's because
anything you disclose to us is ours. That's right -- ours. So we
can do anything we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce
it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post
it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother (as soon
as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any ideas,
concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to,
including, developing, manufacturing and marketing products or
other stuff using the information you post.
5.
Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property
or someone else's property we're using with their permission. No
matter what, it's definitely not your property. You or any of your
net-friends can't use it unless we said you could on this page
or somewhere else on the site. And guess what -- we won't say yes.
So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized use may violate all
sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6.
There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the
site that either we own or we're using with someone else's permission.
So don't think you have any kind of license or right to use them,
because you don't and we're not about to give you one. If you don't
leave them alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and service
marks on our site, we'll probably go ballistic, so will the companies
that own the other trademarks, logos and service marks. That means
that we're likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after
you for messing around with our property or the property of others.
7.
You'll probably notice we've linked our site to lots of others.
While that's cool, it doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites,
much less checked them out periodically to see what's going on.
So don't blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff
on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link, but remember,
you're doing it at your risk.
8.
That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we occasionally
listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our discussion
groups or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and
assume no liability for the content of those locations or for any
mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity,
pornography, or profanity you might encounter when you visit such
places on our site. And don't be stupid by posting or transmitting
any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous,
inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or
any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal
offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter
violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect
your privacy, we have no choice but to fully cooperate with any
law enforcement authorities or court which might ask us who might
have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9.
Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of
patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or send
the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq,
Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United
States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United
States Treasury Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals,
the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI's
Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last one).
As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national
of any of those lovely places, you're not even supposed to be reading
this page, so beat it!
10.
We're also allowed to change this page and anything else on the
site any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we have
the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're
bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit
our site.
11.
If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to "sue" (a
dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort
of according to the Geneva Convention):
This
Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of Arkansas, without
regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To
the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate
NetVentures Unlimited, Inc. websites and/or its affiliates'
intellectual property rights, NetVentures Unlimited, Inc. and/or its affiliates may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any state or federal court in the State of Arkansas,
and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any
other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If
a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to
resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in
the following location: Little Rock, Arkansas. Any costs and fees
other than attorney fees associated with the mediation will be
shared equally by each of us.
If
it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution
through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding arbitration
at the following location: Little Rock, Arkansas, under the rules
of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the award
rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction
to do so.
If
this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have
seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to
remind them that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the
United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!
Updated January 9, 2005
NetVentures Unlimited, Inc.
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